As we get to close the final chapter of 2017, we look back on the year that was, and can see that the last 365 days were… wild to say the least. There were possibly just as many lows as there were highs, as well as just as many advances and barriers broken within the culture as well as blemishes and setbacks.
The good thing about starting a new year means starting it right with a clean slate. 2018 offers a fresh start, so while we get ready for some more glo’ing up to do in the new calendar year, let’s reflect back and look at all the things that we should leave behind in 2017 so that we can truly live our best lives (cue “Shoulda Left You” in the background).
DJ Akademiks
Aka DJ Wackademiks. This guys is a walking “SMH FOH.” I can’t tell what’s more embarrassing about this dude, the fact that he’s not even a DJ or the fact that he’s named after an outdated ass clothing company. Mans took all the Ls in 2017, from his botched interview meme’d around the world with Migos to consistently getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter by his own co-hosts and guests on “Everyday Struggle” (most famously by Vic Mensa). He even tried (and failed) to win a beef against the hosts of late night’s number one show, Desus & Mero from his twitch channel (which I will once again reiterate, SMH FOH). Buddy should’ve been left behind in whatever year he started reporting on the “war in Chiraq,” but better late than ever. New Year’s resolution #1 should most definitely be making this Jerry the mouse looking clown irrelevant again.
Cardi B Slander
QUEEN ?️ARDI DOMINATED 2017 AND IF YOU STILL BIG MAD ABOUT IT, THEN YA NEED TO REEVALUATE YA LIFE. Seriously, like how can you hate on this woman? I have yet to hear any valid criticism from her that ain’t ultimately based in some biased, hypocritical bs. Cats that try to front like say she’s unoriginal or bit Kodak’s flow, as if interpolating isn’t super common in rap. And yet, they will still bump the same 20 soundcloud rappers that sound exactly the same. Cats that try to use her past as a stripper as reason to hate need to grow up, plus they seem to have no problem listening to domestic abusers. Cats that act like she can’t rap also think Joyner Lucas’s “I’m Not A Racist” was deep. Besides, don’t act like her verse on “Motorsport” wasn’t ICONIC. “LET ME WRAP MY WEAVE UP/I’M THE TRAP SELENA/¡DAME MAS GASOLINA!” ARE THE TRIPLET BARS OF THE YEAR COME @ ME.
BIG BALLER BRAND HATERADE
One of the greatest gifts of 2017 was the the rise of one man whose sole purpose in life is to speak his dream and ambitions into existence, and that man’s name is LaVar Ball. Now, it might’ve been easy to initially get rubbed the wrong way by LaVar Ball, especially with the way that the (mostly white) media circuit portrays him as this overbearing, rambunctious buffoon of parent. If you actually look behind the curtain, do some reading of LaVar Ball thinkpieces (which the existence of is kinda wild, but kinda lit) and observe what he’s doing, you’ll see that the man is a marketing genius, a great dad and a finesse legend. LaVar is the Kanye of parents in that his worst flaw is his confidence, but in the words of Yeezus, “It’s hard to be humble when you’re stuntin on the Jumbotron.” As for Lonzo, he had some early bumps, but is finally to really settle into his own and prove why he was the #2 pick in NBA Draft. Besides how many of his detractors can say they had two triple-doubles in the NB-fuckin-A before they can legally drink? Leave the haterade alone in 2018, and applaud Papa Ball for speaking everything into existence and don’t bash Lonzo because of your feelings toward his pops. That’s some sucker shit.
XXXTENTACION
Aka XXXTENTRASHCION. Leave this kid alone in 2018. On some real shit, regardless of whether or not you think his music is fire (personally, I’m not a fan), ain’t no way in hell you can tell me that despite all the hundreds and hundreds of artists out there that don’t abuse women, that his is good enough to overlook his actions. That whole “separate the art from the artist” rule only applies for stuff like when your fave artist drunkenly (but justifiably) interrupts Taylor Swift’s VMA acceptance speech. Not when they are a full blown sociopath that’s on trial for physically torturing his ex, especially when the majority of his work focuses on a “failed relationship” and draws plenty of inspiration from the ex he abused per depositions, testimony, and reports. Even his previous closest working collaborator, Ski Mask The Slump God, has distanced himself from the troubled teenager, and looks to leave him in the past for good in 2018. X is representative of a larger problem in hip-hop though, and that’s the continued support of rappers accused of multiple horrific crimes against women. To continue listening to their music is to support them financially, and to support them financially is to disregard the safety and well-being of women. No one artist is so good where that can be overlooked. No one.
Outdated Respectability Politics
In the first full year of Trumpito’s presidency, we saw literal white supremacists march with tiki torches spouting that “white lives matter” bs on one end, and Black athletes take a knee during the anthem to bring awareness to institutional racism, police brutality, and the Black Lives Matter movement. Guess which group ol’ twitter fingers called sons of bitches and the other nice guys? It’s gonna be 2018, and. I don’t got time to be “listening to other side” when the other side doesn’t even respect me or my people’s right to exist in this country and neither should you. 2017 was also the year we saw cats like the aforementioned Desus & Mero and Cardi B, as well as folks like #1 New York Times Best-selling author Shea Serrano in literature, and Chicago’s very own Joe FreshGoods in fashion, prove that you can get all the Ws while remaining true to your roots without selling out/code switching in order to appeal to a certain audience. Respectability is officially an antiquated concept, so in 2018, remember that the when the Yakubians start to get ruffled by the fact that you’re doing you, the only thing you should respectably tell them is to GTFOH.
Old Heads
They wish they lived in 1997 anyway. Let them live in the past so long as they let us live in the present. Issa win-win for everyone, even Joe Budden’s angry self.
Eminem as a Rapper
Sigh. This one almost hurts the young rap fan in me (keyword: almost), but it’s time to accept the truth. While other veteran rappers like Killer Mike, Kanye, Jay-Z, etc. have aged like fine wine, the real Slim Shady has aged like a leftover glass of milk. In short, not well. Eminem as a person still seems like a cool guy, and by no means should he stay in permanent hiatus. Eminem as a rapper though? Someone keep him away from a recording booth. He’s well past his prime, and despite the good intentions of his music now, the delivery is just way off. It’s not like there aren’t already rappers saying what he was saying in Revival, plus they’re doing it in a waaaayyy better fashion (see All-Amerikkkan BadA$$ by Joey Bada$$). It’s a shame that someone of his stature in hip-hop had to go out on a whimper instead of a bang, but should he stick to just A&R. Then, maybe we will all forget about the botch that was Revival and strictly remember his good contributions to the culture, like 8 Mile.
The Bulls Tanking for a Top Pick
God, the Bulls can never do anything right, even when they’re winning. This was supposed to be the year they tank, then get a sweet top 3 draft pick that would hopefully result in building their franchise around sensational prospects Marvin Bagley III or Trae Young. The plan was going accordingly just fine. The Bulls were 3-20, good enough for worst in the league. THEN NIKO MIROTIC WANTS TO COME BACK AND PLAY LIKE AN MVP WITH BOBBY PORTIS BEING HIS SCOTTIE PIPPEN AND NOW THE BULLS ARE THE HOTTEST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE EXCEPT THE HOLE THAT THEY DUG THEMSELVES IN WAS SO BIG THAT THAT AREN’T GONNA FINISH ANYTHING BETTER THAN A 10 SEED SMH THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T TRUST THE PROCESS.
Bright
This movie is a bad movie. Just. terrible. Will Smith deserves to be applauded despite being bogged down by a corny script and a cheesy mustache, but Jesus Christ. It’s like if Michael Bay decided to remake Bad Boys, but did so immediately after watching Lord of The Rings for the first time, then decided that it would be a good idea to replace all the cool parts of Bad Boys with an allegorical look at racism in modern society without knowing anything at all about racism in modern society beyond surface level prejudice. The only people who thought this movie had anything meaningful to say also thought that Joyner Lucas’s “I’m Not a Racist” would solve racism. You know what? Fuck it, let’s add one more thing to this list.
Joyner Lucas’s “I’m Not A Racist”
FUCK. OUTTA. HERE.
